As a kid, it was hockey. And I'll be durned if Saturday morning championship games didn't feel like our own little Stanley Cup Finals, with all the gravity of a game seven before breakfast was even done. Later on, golf was a passion, and then guitar. And I've found that, over the years, the rush, and the value that I took away from all of these always seemed to be rooted in the pursuit, as opposed to the result. At some point, like most boys, I was forced to reconcile with the fact that the NHL was not in my future. Nor a PGA tour card, nor a life on stage alongside the Don Ross's of this world. And yet, looking back, so much of who I am today has come out of who I was in those pursuits.
So it's with that in mind that I've decided to create a new goal... a new passion.
Running is not like anything else I've done. It's solitary, and it's painful. It requires a more deliberate version of myself. It's about discipline. I see now that I've always relied loosely on the "artistic out"... the fact that, in a pinch, I could always lean on the knowledge, either expressed or internally, that focus and discipline wasn't in my makeup. I was a "go with the flow" guy... Ya.. I read, I made records, I progressed as a songwriter.. but hey, don't ask me to force the issue. These things ebb and flow in tides of inspiration.
And yet, the consistency of running is what I'm finding attractive. It's a means by which I can stretch those muscles that I've seldom used over the years... literally, yes, but also figuratively.
Quarter Century, Half Marathon, Full Speed Ahead. I'll be 25 years old in a few days. No quarter-life crisis here... I'm finding myself more on-top of myself now than ever before. But I am aware of the milestone, and, particularly, the notion that activity, and fullness are aspects of life that are no longer inherent. I want to think clearly, and feel strong. I want to wake up feeling alive. In a moment of clarity last week, crossing the bridge over the Don Valley, I was infinitely aware of my body as a moving, working, living thing over which I had ultimate control. I was acutely conscious of the incredible beauty of creation in that sense... everything working together, striving, growing. I could feel my heart beating, and my knees working against the pressure of the pavement.. constant motion, constant struggle, constant growth... as though every step better informs the next one.
Specifics:
My gameplan is to run the Half-Marathon segment of the Goodlife Fitness Toronto Marathon on Sunday, October 18, 2009. I have no interest in time. I'm aiming to finish. The total distance is approximately 21 Km.
Currently, I'm topping out at 10.5 Km total distance. I'll be tracking my improvements in the "Personal Bests" section in the top right corner.
Why create a separate space in which to track the progress, and share thoughts? Well.. because I recognize that people writing constantly and continually about a specific passion can be tiring, or altogether annoying, and I want for you to have the option to avoid checking in if you grow tired of the rhetoric. And additionally, perhaps because I feel as though something new, and specific, will benefit from a new and specific forum. I don't deny that I'm a bit of an exhibitionist. There's a reason that I blog at all... and I admit that I enjoy the prospect of sharing the ride with friends and family. It's a personal goal, but then.. life is only fun when it's shared. I realize that, at the end of the day, if I manage to finish this race, it won't make any difference to you. But hopefully it'll be worth a smile or two along the way, and maybe a provoking thought.
Who knows.. maybe we'll meet in a few months, and I'll be a completely different person. Or maybe I'll be exactly the same. Or maybe I'll be that much closer to who I was actually designed to be. I think that's my hope. Something feels right about this, and while I'm out there dodging fruit-stand shoppers and dog-walkers, I feel a little bit closer to God.
Talk soon. Training starts tonight.
JB
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